Brothers on a hotel bed

You may tire of me
As our December sun is setting
'Cos I'm not who I used to be.

No longer easy on the eyes
These wrinkles masterfully disguise
The youthful boy below.

Who turned your way and saw
Something he was not looking for,
Both a beginning, and an end.

Now he lives inside
Someone he does not recognise
When he catches his reflection by accident.

On the back of a motorbike
With your arms out-stretched trying to take flight
Leaving everything behind.
But even at our swiftest speed
We couldn't break from the concrete
In the city where we still reside.

And I have learned, that even landlocked lovers yearn
For the sea like navy men.

The Beauty of Romantic love

What makes romantic love beautiful? It is certainly not the emotion itself. No, romantic love is only considered beautiful if it arises in fortuitous circumstances. If the emotion of romantic love arises between two young people, both single, who then go on to get married, raise a family, and spend the rest of their lives together, then love is considered by all as a beautiful thing. But if two people fall in love in a situation which society deems "wrong" then the very same emotion is seen as anything but beautiful. Consider if the love of Romeo and Juliet would still be held up as one of the most beautiful ever told if Juliet was married with a child, or if Romeo had been ten years older than the fourteen year old Juliet? What then, do we find beautiful about love? Not the emotion of romantic love itself, but that vital and fortuitous combination of  romantic love, and favourable coincidence. The very same emotion  of love, then, can become either the pinacle of human beauty and happiness, or the depth of human despair and shame, depending entirely upon the circumstances under which it arises.

Take this Longing

Many men have loved the bells
you fastened to the rein,
and everyone who wanted you
they found what they will always want again.
Your beauty lost to you yourself
just as it was lost to them.

Oh take this longing from my tongue,
whatever useless things these hands have done.
Let me see your beauty broken down
like you would do for one you love.

Your body like a searchlight
my poverty revealed,
I would like to try your charity
until you cry, "Now you must try my greed."
And everything depends upon
how near you sleep to me

Just take this longing from my tongue
all the lonely things my hands have done.
Let me see your beauty broken down
like you would do for one your love.

Hungry as an archway
through which the troops have passed,
I stand in ruins behind you,
with your winter clothes, your broken sandal straps.
I love to see you naked over there
especially from the back.

Oh take this longing from my tongue,
all the useless things my hands have done,
untie for me your hired blue gown,
like you would do for one that you love.

You're faithful to the better man,
I'm afraid that he left.
So let me judge your love affair
in this very room where I have sentenced
mine to death.
I'll even wear these old laurel leaves
that he's shaken from his head.

Just take this longing from my tongue,
all the useless things my hands have done,
let me see your beauty broken down,
like you would do for one you love.
Like you would do for one you love.

The water still flows, the wind still blows, the fire still burns. And yet, everything has changed.

To wish impossible things...

It was the sweetness of your skin
it was the hope of all we might have been
that filled me with the hope to wish
impossible things

We can all be divided into four categories...

"We all need someone to look at us. we can be divided into four categories according to the kind of look we wish to live under. the first category longs for the look of an infinite number of anonymous eyes, in other words, for the look of the public. the second category is made up of people who have a vital need to be looked at by many known eyes. they are the tireless hosts of cocktail parties and dinners. they are happier than the people in the first category, who, when they lose their public, have the feeling that the lights have gone out in the room of their lives. this happens to nearly all of them sooner or later. people in the second category, on the other hand, can always come up with the eyes they need. then there is the third category, the category of people who need to be constantly before the eyes of the person they love. their situation is as dangerous as the situation of people in the first category. one day the eyes of their beloved will close, and the room will go dark. and finally there is the fourth category, the rarest, the category of people who live in the imaginary eyes of those who are not present. they are the dreamers."
— Milan Kundera

I have definitely always been in the fourth category!

Which are you?

What's the meaning? What's important?

Being off work tends to bring out the philosopher in me. I have too much time to think, and my procrastination comes in the form of philosophical thoughts about life, instead of doing my work!!

So I've been thinking about what life's all about- the most important topic of all. What's really caused it this time is thinking about relationships again. I was head over heals, madly, deeply in love at the age of 17. So in love it pretty much made me ill. The person was all I could think about, and the fact that I couldn't have him was a constant ache in my soul. God had cheated me out of a soul mate. This was desire at its most pervasive, and most destructive. I felt the real impact of how desire leads to unhappiness in a very clear way.

It still stays with me today, now I'm at an age where I would really like to find somebody, fall in love, settle down, and eventually get married and have children. This experience I had of love at 17 is something that is probably never going to repeat. I'm never going to feel that strongly for someone again. But whenever I meet someone nice, perhaps I could go out with them, I realise, I don't love them. The way I feel isn't even a shadow of what I once felt for somebody. And then I think... how can I be happy with somebody again? I want to love somebody like that, and have them love me back. I want the real deal. I want beauty. But its probably not even possible. Only unrequited love can arouse those sorts of feelings. Had I been able to have the person I loved, things would have probably been very different, and it probably wouldn't have been long till even they seemed rather ordinary. I will never know.

So anyway, in thinking about the purpose of life, I wrote the following words of wisdom for myself, so I can live in a happy reality, rather than unsatisfied delusion. There comes a time when you need to see life for what it really is, and enjoy it and make the most of it for what it really is. Life is still beautiful, just in a different way to what I expected when I was young.

Life doesn’t owe you anything.

Every day children die because they don’t have enough food to eat, or clean water to drink.

People go without love.

Keep life in perspective. Its purpose was never just to make you happy.

Don’t expect life or people to be perfect, or to centre around your happiness.

Don’t want what you don’t have, but appreciate what you do have.

Be grateful for whatever blessings you do have. Count you blessings and be thankful for them everyday.

Go with the flow of life, enjoy the little things, and find happiness in simplicity.

Smile, laugh, have fun, lighten up, and love others.

Desire for what you do not or cannot have is the root of unhappiness. Contentment with life and what do have is the way to happiness.

Do not desire and search for beauty, but find and appreciate the beauty which is already in your life, in that which is available and attainable.

Try not to be self centred and interested only in your own happiness. Care about the happiness of others, and love them as you love yourself.

And remember, doing what is right is more important than your short term happiness; your moral actions are the point of your life and your legacy.